I'm such an Asshole patch for all assholes who like to admit to the fact. The patch is embroidered in white over black and measures 4x1.75 inches.
My boyfriend can be a dick sometimes. Really, he only thinks of himself most of the time. My girlfriends are always telling me I should dump him and I probably would if I wasn't nearing forty and scared to death that I'll be left on my own for the rest of my life. After all even an asshole is better than nobody at all, don't you think?
I met him when we were both twenty two and if I'm honest I was faring much better in those days. To begin with, he was kind and generous and he really did take care of me. But as time has passed, he has become unbearable to live with. I don't think there is anyone as bad as him in the world.
Ok, I might be exaggerating slightly but I'll bet he's in the top ten of crap boyfriends. He never remembers my birthday and unless his mom reminds him to buy me a card and a present, I don't think I'd get anything. And to tell you the truth that might not be such a bad thing because he usually buys me something ridiculous anyway. Last year for my birthday, he bought me a lawnmower. I was livid, I can tell you. He's lucky I refrained from using it to mow his privates while he slept. But I was tempted.
He is a biker and loves his bike more than me. He has a black leather biker jacket and he takes pride in the many biker patches he has placed on this jacket. I bought him a patch for it when I was feeling really down about my life but instead of taking the hint, he just found it funny! The I'm such An Asshole patch was meant to get him thinking about how upset he makes me but he thought it was a joke and just put it on his jacket and showed all his buddies.
Now, you are probably thinking he's a dumbass and if I were in your shoes I would be thinking along those lines too. He is not stupid at all. In fact he is an office manager and gets paid really well. The problem however, is that he just doesn't know a good thing when he has it. He has become stuck in a rut and I'm sure he thinks I am his personal assistant (i.e. slave) in the home.
I have actually tried to speak to him on numerous occasions about how his behavior has changed over the years but he's just not having any of it. He thinks I'm a moan and that I have changed too. And who could blame me! I used to be fun and loved going out on the town but all I seem to want to do these days is sit at home and watch TV. But that's his fault as he is a lazy pig and I have to do everything around the house so I just don't feel like going out anymore. And after all my attempts at trying to get him to see how much he had changed, his answer was to go and buy his own biker patch for his jacket which is directed at me. The Put On Your Big Girl Panties And Deal With It Patch sits proudly on his biker jacket to mock me every time he heads out the door. I told you, he is such an asshole!!
